I hate cancer.

This has been a very sad few days. A good friend of mine lost her sister-in-law to cancer on Friday evening. Renee Lucas was 38 years old, a wife, mother to 2 very sweet girls aged 10 and 13, and everyone seems to have genuinely loved her. At least 3 people have told me that she never had a negative thing to say about anyone and she was always willing to help people--one of those few genuinely good people. Her parents are both still alive, and I can't imagine how they feel knowing that tomorrow they will be burying their daughter.

I know this is not my family, and I didn't know Renee except through my friend, but this is so sad, and I can't tell you how many times my mind has wandered to those poor little girls. I have not yet been personally affected by cancer, praise God. I heard from my friend parts of Renee's battle, and while I do know that now she is in a better place, my heart breaks for those left behind. I spent about 40 minutes on the phone Saturday morning with my friend and when I hung up I just felt like bawling. I went and told Melissa and Nathan that the mom we had been praying for passed away so the girls didn't have their mommy anymore. So then Nathan says "it's oK mommy, they still have their daddy and he's a good guy". So like him to put things into perspective. But I just can't shake this feeling of sadness for them all. She'd had cancer for 2 years, I guess in the back of his mind he had to expect that she may not beat it, but does that make it easier? I think not. I can't imagine what I'd do if I found out I had cancer. How do you prepare your kids? Your husband? Your parents and siblings? I think I'd be prepared myself since I know that I'd be in that perfect place with our Lord, but the thought of my family suffering just kills me.

Another friend of mine lost her father, only 57 years old, on Saturday. He had a heart attack last Monday, was in the hospital all week and his lung collapsed on Saturday morning. She is my age and this was totally unexpected. She's handling it very well-only because she's got the support of God and she knows that with His help she will make it through.

Someone from our church has a 2 year old baby girl who was diagnosed with leukemia at 9 months old. Well, she was in remission, and now it's back with a vengeance, and they have to try a bone marrow transplant from someone who isn't a perfect match, but they say it's bad and the prognosis is too sad to think about.

So is it easier to lose your mother, your father, or your child? I will selfishly say that I don't want to deal with any of the above. I wish I had the words to ease the pain of these people, but I don't. I can pray, and maybe that's all I can do right now.

I don't know what else to write. Anything going on in my life right now seems so trivial to the events going on with my friends right now. Mike and I will go to the funeral home tonight for Renee, hopefully I don't say something stupid while I'm there.

Please cherish your family. Be thankful for your blessings and don't take anything for granted.

Here is a link to the website of a photographer that we know. He took some pictures of Renee's family over the summer. This link goes to a picture of them. It's so sad.

http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/orderpage.aspx?pi=0OZS000Z000039&po=39

Are you kidding me?????

This is Nathan's newest favorite phrase. Thank you to Stephen's friend Justin--when they play Guitar Hero and he messes up, this is what he says, and now this is what Nathan says to me when I ask him to do something. Last night I made lasagna, which is one of Nathan's favorites. I told him to finish eating so that he could play Monster Jam on the Wii and he says "Mom, are you kidding me?" and cracks up laughing. How is that funny? Well, I must admit--I usually laugh when he says it too. It's humorous to hear this come from a 4 year old.

Can everyone else's 4 year old tie their shoes? I am about done trying to teach him. He is left-handed like me, so I thought I would have to be the one to teach him, but I just can't do it. We have never bought velcro shoes for the kids because Mike thinks it's "lazy" (that's because he's not always tying their shoes when they come undone). But I'm about ready to put him in velcro for life. I've googled a thousand times "how to teach your kid to tie shoes" but can't find anything helpful.. I'm very open to suggestions!!!

On a sad note, I have a co-worker who is going to lose her sister-in-law to cancer any day now. This is so sad. The sister-in-law is 36 or 37 I believe, and has 2 girls--a 13 year old and a 10 year old. She started out with breast cancer 2 years ago, got that under control, but then it came back in her brain, lungs, eye, and possibly other areas. I'm trying to be supportive to my co-worker, but it's so hard to hear her talk about this. I am so sad for the girls and their dad. They are such a cute little family and no--this shouldn't happen to anyone, but I can't imagine all that they are going to have to go through. Hospice is supposed to deliver a hospital bed today, but all signs are pointing to her not being with us much longer at all. If you read this, please stop and say a prayer for Renee that her passing is peaceful, and that her family can lean on each other and get through what lies ahead.

I think Mike got pretty nervous last night thinking about running for the school board. He just now realized that if he loses, his name will be in the paper showing how many people voted for him. Well--didn't he think of that before this all started? There are 4 candidates and 2 seats, 2 of the candidates are the incumbents. Our school board has done nothing great in the past few years, and many of us are ready for a complete turnover (except for the 3 most recent additions--they are pretty good). My wish would be that Mike and the other "newcomer" both win, but it's all in God's plan. I'm proud of Mike for caring enough to run--he really does want to do some good and make a difference. That's the way a board member should be!!

Other than that, nothing too exciting happening here. I'm debating whether or not to send $18 to school with Stephen so he can go bowling in P.E. class. If I don't send it, he will still go to the bowling alley, but be forced to sit and write a paper. What a total crock--this is public school! Why do we have to pay $18 for P.E. class????? He wants $25 to go to Winter Jam on Sunday, he wants money for bowling, he wants money for a friend's birthday, and on and on. I'm seriously going to go broke with this kid.

Maybe soon I'll get that stimulus that President Obama promised--I haven't seen it yet, but it sure would come in handy to help pay for all of these extras my kids have come to expect!!!

Sorry, I was a bad wife last week.....

So everyday I get an email with a "how to be a generous wife" tip. It's a great thing--anyone interested in this can sign up at: Generous-tip_the-generous-wife.com

Sometimes the tips are laughable to me, but sometimes they are very convicting. Mike and I didn't have a whole lot of time together this weekend, the kids had stuff going on and then he had to work yesterday. So last night I was tired, and wanted to just lay in bed and watch "The Bachelor". Mike came in the room a few times wanting to talk, and I guess I wasn't very responsive. I heard him say 3 times "why do you have to be so mean? Why are you so crabby? I wish you would be nicer to me." I honestly didn't understand him.

Back to my tip today-- the writer tells how her husband's love language is "words of affirmation" and about how she had complimented him and how happy it made him. Then her words of advice are about how men don't read minds and we if they are similar to her husband, they really need us to TELL them how we feel about them and how much we love them. Ok, today I think she was just talking to me. If I could just say a few nice things to him each morning it would start his day off better, and instead of just thinking of myself at night (he's had a long day too!) then I need to do the same thing then. And I need to get out that Love Languages book again and reread it to refresh my memory.

So I lost 4 more pounds this week! Yippee! I am so excited--can you tell? Still no bikinis on the horizon for me, but does a 36 year old mom really need to wear a bikini? Not in my house. And still not to the point where I can go shopping for new clothes. Do all women have 3-4 sizes of clothing in their closets? I tried to get Mike to understand this. He wants me to get rid of the bigger ones, but then what happens if I go back that size? I know--shouldn't think that way. The times I have gained weight were all pregnancy-related, and since we won't be having any more babies I hope to be able to maintain, but you never know....

This will make me seem pitiful. Melissa had a cheer competition on Sunday, and there were 5 sqauds in her level and her squad took 1st place! They did so great!!! I got really nervous because at the very beginning she is way up in the air and the girls holding her have to walk around with her, and there were no adult spotters. (Thanks to the mom who pointed this out as our girls were lining up!) Anyway, nobody fell, she smiled the whole time, and they had a blast. So fast forward to award time. I got confused (I wasn't the only parent, thank goodness) and they announced the last place in her category first, and so on, and they finished with the champions, which was her squad. Well while they were announcing the 5th and 4th places, I was confused and thought only 2 teams would place, and so I almost flipped out. I stood up in the bleachers and was about to yell. Luckily, a dad in front of me yelled first, and then we heard them continue on with the awards, and saw them give the biggest trophy and the banner to our girls' squad. I tried to sneakily sit down in order to not draw attention to me and my craziness, but I'm sure it was noticed. Funny thing is, none of our girls realized that they took 1st, and when it was done and I ran down the steps with my camera to take pictures of them with the trophy, they were all asking "who won?" So to them, it was just fun and they loved it, but I was psychotic and almost got out of control. This is something I need to work on before her next competition in a month!!!

I better stop now. I have so much to post about Stephen--it will have to wait for tomorrow. I found something interesting (of mine from high school) yesterday and am trying to decide whether or not to use it to prove a point to my 15 year old.

Bring on the snow!!!

Just how delusional can a man be?

Well, not any man, my husband in particular. So he knows how hard I've been working to lose weight. He knows that I've lost quite a bit-35 or 36 pounds actually. He knows I get up early every morning to work out (while he's still snoring). He knows I've given up my cherished Diet Coke (ok, so only for 3 days, but that's a record for me!) and he knows that I pass on sweets and generally eat healthy all the time now. So, last night, he asks me how much more I want to lose. I say 15 pounds. He stops, then says that I should be able to get down to 100-110 pounds.

Ok, could someone please remind him that we live in the real world, not Barbie land? I am 36 years old, I've had 5 pregnancies and 4 c-sections, I have 2 different scars from those c-sections, and lots of belly in between them. Also, I am 35 pounds smaller than I was 4 months ago. Shouldn't that count for something? I know he's not trying to be hateful, but I'm just getting to the point of almost feeling OK about my body, and excited that if I lost 2 pounds a week then I would be where I want to be in about 2 months. He set me back about 3 weeks last night.

I know that his dream girl would be 100 pounds and have long stringy blonde hair. That is not me. I think that once I get to my ideal weight, maybe I'll just get my hair cut short and really show him!!! And maybe I'll tell him that when he turns into David Boreanaz (still my dream man) then I'll try to get down to 100 pounds. Of course, that would be mean and I don't want to be that way. But it's so uplifting to hear people ask if I've lost weight, then compliment me on my hard work, and then it all comes crashing down when the one person whose opinion matters the most is just not satisfied.

So I guess I'll just keep plugging on, and try to ignore him when his insensitive side comes out. And I'll ignore him when he offers me a bite of his cheesecake, as he did last night 20 minutes before he said I should weigh 100 pounds.

I know, men are not perfect. Neither am I. But how long do we have to be married before he learns what he should and shouldn't say? It's been almost 10 years and he hasn't learned yet!!!

Wow--has it really been that long????

Well, I can't believe it's been that long since I was here. But, life just goes by too quickly! I'm fairly certain that I have wasted countless hours online reading celebrity gossip, when I could have been pouring my heart out here instead, but ask me the names of all of Brangelina's kids and I can name them in a second!

That's so sad. Just one of the many things in my life that I am GOING to change. The list is so long.

So my kids are growing up so fast. My 15-yr old is really FINALLY starting to mature. I'm very proud of him for so many things. He's motivated enough to get up in the morning, get himself ready, eat breakfast, and make it to the bus on time. Beyond that, I really don't have a clue what happens. You think in this age when you can log on to your child's school and see all of their assignments, what they eat for lunch, how many times they went to the bathroom, and everything they got in trouble for, you'd think that you would feel confident that you know what is going on in their life. NOT SO!! The best way to get information is to let them have their friends over often and spy on their conversations. And get their cell phone when they don't have it attached to their thumb and read their text messages. I found out many things that my son knows that way. I also find out things about his friends that way--not so pretty. A few weeks ago, I was sitting in church (of all places) and he was playing the trombone in the orchestra, and this cute little blonde thing in my row says "THAT KID IS HOT!" and I later found out she was talking about my son. Well, that was a bit too much information for me. This year, he started running and lost about 20 pounds (all that baby fat), got taller, got contacts instead of glasses, and his voice is pretty much done squeaking. So, if I don't say so myself, he is a pretty handsome young man. Unfortunately, he still loves video games and being lazy. I am actually glad that he has all the Guitar Hero games---it's quite amusing to see how well he can play that without even thinking about it, but put an algebra test in front of him and he's lost!!! He is spending a fair amount of time in God's word, both at church and at home, and this is my greatest wish for him now--to stay on this path and keep away from all the dangers involved with high school!

Then we have my 8 yr old princess. Demon princess, that is. She has gotten to be somewhat of a firecracker lately. She's very smart, and she knows it and doesn't refrain from reminding me of that daily. And she definitely has my temper. I see her sometimes talking to her little brother in this mean voice, but low so that I don't hear her, and I remember doing that same thing to my brother and sister back in the day. Ah, memories. She and I don't get to spend so much time alone, and it bothers me and I know it affects her. I need to work on that this year. I also need to read the book "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Lehman. I think that's the correct title. He must have written that book for me, knowing that I would need it. As you can see from my picture, she does competitive cheerleading. I'm hoping that this eventually helps with her coordination (or lack of it). She's a tiny little thing, but not the most sturdy. She does love it, though, and I'm so happy to spend 3/4 of my time outside of work driving her to practice, or a competition, or burying her face in makeup, or spending money on something new they just have to have, or hearing my house rattle while she's doing her cartwheels or backbends. Why didn't someone warn me about this?

Now we get to Nathan. He's such a sweetie. He'll be 5 in May, and he is a momma's boy. Everyday he tells me "mom, you're SO sweet!" And he means it!!! He is so huggy and loveable, and he is really a good boy. He has been in all-day preschool now since August, and it's going well. I think. His teacher is the nicest lady ever, and I don't know if she'd tell me if he was horrible. He has had to sit in the "sad chair" a few times, but that's nowhere near the trouble I thought we'd have when he started school. He should start kindergarten next year, we'll have testing in March to see if he is where he needs to be. I can't imagine putting my sweet little baby boy on that big mean bus, so I'm trying to decide how my work is going to interfere with being one of those moms who must drop her child off and pick him up everyday to keep him safe. You may think "but his sister will be on the same bus, she can take care of him". HA!! She's already told me that he better not even talk to her and he can't tell anyone that she's his sister. Ah, the love of siblings!!!

Mike and I are doing great. He really is the best father I could have chosen for our kids. He loves me, and he loves them, and he is very involved with them. I didn't expect this from him, since his dad was more of a tyrant than a loving father. I like his dad, but could never have married him or let him parent my children. Mike is working on bringing his life more in line with what a Christian man should be. I am so proud of him! And he doesn't even do anything bad--no drinking, no smoking, no gambling, he doesn't hit us, he rarely yells, but he still knows that we all have work to do. He's started going to 2 Bible studies, one on Sunday nights when the rest of us are at AWANA, and then another one that meets a couple of times each month. We are doing a financial class (Crown Ministries) together, and that is going to be so good for us. I never knew that the Bible had so much information on finances in it!

And me, well I am busy supporting all of the above in all of their endeavors. I don't have much time for me, but this is the way I like it. I have lost about 34 pounds since September 15th, and I'm very happy to say that I only have 15 more. I hope it doesn't take me a year to lose them!!! I have mostly given up sugar, and just yesterday I decided to give up Diet Coke. That's why in a few minutes I'm going to drink a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi--doesn't go against my rule!!! Really, I've been getting up early everyday and exercising for 30 minutes, and just generally try to be more healthy. I think MIke appreciates it more than I do, maybe a little too much.

I know this is long, and if you are still awake, I hope to have some exciting things happen for me to blog about. I just thought that since I hadn't posted in over 2 years, I should give an update!!!